Human nature wants what it wants, when we want it, and how we want it. Is human nature a delusion of grandeur? Or is it reality? In the world around us, we pray, we manifest, or even speak life to. But do we always get what we want? I can safely say to you “no”.

However, I often say to others “I’ve gotten everything I have ever wanted even if it did not look how I thought it would.” What does that mean? I got something. Maybe even more than enough. But it was not what my nimble and sometimes simple mind saw it as. Nor did it come step-by-step as I outlined it in my head.

Desires of ambition or passion are still things we long for. Sometimes we allow the social influences of the world to impact our yearning. Other times, we are guided by the misinterpretation of what we think should be. In these instances, our challenge may be accepting what is reality. The attainable things can be our focus, but we choose higher. Not bad, right? Good, if we get it. Now, what if we don’t?

Not right now. That’s it. It’s ok to say I tried. Failure is not an option. But “not right now” is.

As a high achiever, I may have fallen short, but I did not fail. I had to learn what was in God’s plan, and what was in my plan that he forbids or is protecting me from. And with that, I learned too that consequences and what was the harvest from the seeds I sowed, comes.

The fresh smell of spring air, coupled with cleaning, brought back joy to me this past weekend. Decluttering my life from suitcases, and clothing everywhere, and the dust that took over in my absence was a renewal of energy. Going out on Saturday to enjoy dressing up for dining. Sunday’s pedicure, cocktail, and burger in a crowded beer hall reminded me of me. A speck in a big world. Waking up on a Monday morning to get dressed for work and then strolling downtown Seattle reminded me of my connection and purpose.

For a month or so, I subconsciously battled spiritual blockage. God, can you hear? I transferred my emotions to my environment so that my shell of a body could remain untapped. The back end decisions and performative antics weren’t welcomed in my mind. My mind. My mind. My mind. I must protect my mind.

Then my spirit. I feel like a spiritual warrior. I do my best fighting in my sleep. God has gifted me visions and dreams. Coupled with his words, the Holy Spirit, and the right upbringing. I navigate my day-to-day through my sleep. The best praying. The best strategizing. The best acceptance. The best healing all happens while sleeping.

Not right now. That’s what came from my subconscious and dreaming. It may not be for me (you), if not, he’ll heal me (you) and sustain me (you). If so, not right now. The journey and path, clear and unclear, awaits us-including a not right now.

The literary devices and symbolism of this post may not be connecting for you. So let me break it down, For example, I knew I wanted a Ph.D. It was prophesied to me that I would get one. I graduated college in 2013. Life, life-ed. Now in 2024, I will be receiving a master’s degree soon. One step closer. In 2014-2022, the not right now did not mean it was not coming. It simply meant that it was not my plan, but God’s plan that would shine through.

For additional color and clarity, don’t mistake a NO for a not right now. You will know a NO! Don’t make God’s no or a spelled out no, into a not right now. That’s where the human nature of selfishness and wanting what we want kicks in.

About two nights ago, I watched the story of Noah on Netflix. There were some NO’s that his family received from him. Yet some of them were “not right nows” for what God would do, beyond Noah’s interpretation of his will.

People always hear me talk about my Aunt and Uncle. Today, I dug up a 2023 Mother’s Day post on her daughter’s page where my cousin stated, “I inherited my mother’s uncompromising sense of right and wrong, her refusal to lower her standards, and her determination to overcome obstacles.” She went on to say, “She calls it the fight to get it right.” This must be your stance when you receive that not right now.

I shared this because my Aunt was a giver. She loved people. And typically, when you asked, there were four answers you got:

• Yes
• No
• Go ask boo/daddy/uncle (her husband)
• Or not right now.

I knew her not right now meant she had to pray on it, plan it out, she had a surprise that was not your business (meaning she got this), or it was a surprise or something that still was not your business because she had it.

The crazy thing is, I interacted with the Facebook post about her today, and while writing this post I connected it to her telling us not right now. Consider it a Black mother’s mantra alongside the hundreds of other sayings that they have.

But, not right now, is a thing of faith. You must have heard God’s voice, intend to convene with him, or simply have faith and already know it will and is done in God’s timing.

In right or wrong, don’t compromise – because it is not right now. Don’t lower your standards to a NO and let him clarify the not right now.

Yes, it will hurt. You are going to cry. Strive and struggle. Battle. And everything else. But know this, it ain’t changing.

To you, I leave, not right now.

Reference: Image by chandlervid85 on Freepik